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Granted, if you fall deeply in love with a man who is sexually unavailable, straight or otherwise and you can’t be around this person without your frustrated wishes for romance interfering with your enjoyment of his company, it is time to call it quits. I'm going through this right now; I'm in love with a straight friend, and I can't figure out what to do with my attraction.
What makes it hard is that I'm single,and he's married, and that complicates matters, as I know it could look very suspicious if we started hanging out together.
Few things can be a more soothing balm for us gay guys than a close friendship with a heterosexual man. Part of being a mature adult is coming to the sad realization that we are not going to be able to have sexual relationships with everyone who floats our boat.
Acceptance, and yes love, from a guy who is not interested in us sexually but accepts our sexuality can begin to heal the abuse we have experienced from our fathers, our bullying peers, and society. (Though if Channing Tatum has a change of heart, I hope he knows where to reach me).
Sex in the City, Will and Grace), though a lot less has been said about how gay and straight men recognize and negotiate the distinct challenges, complications, and rewards of their friendships. Garfield, among the many obstacles to male-male platonic intimacy, fear of homosexuality looms large.
Straight men fret that if they get too close, others will see them as gay; which in their minds means feminine (horrors! Perhaps even scarier is that their emotional connections will somehow morph into sexual attraction. S., before there was such a thing as a gay identity, some straight men would, with little shame, engage in sexual contact with other men (usually allowing themselves to be fellated) when female partners were otherwise unavailable (see George Chauncey’s seminal book, which was new at the time and seen as criminal and then sick.
Gay men have suffered physical, social, and psychological abuse at the hands of heterosexually identified males who, thanks to homophobia and heterosexism, felt fully justified to inflict these terrors.
Now that we are good friends, he and I, along with his wife and my husband can joke about his eye candy status without anyone feeling anxious, fearful, or threatened.
He is beautiful inside and out, which is why I like him so much. As the quote goes: you can never have too many friends—and friendships between gay and straight guys can be healing and uniquely satisfying for all involved.
So no wonder hetero men would fear homosexuality and gay men in particular.
(Thus the “don’t drop the soap in the shower in front of that guy” metaphor) This legacy of violence, both physical and psychological, inflicted by straight men toward those of us who are gay naturally fuels our caution and distrust at the thought of befriending them. Garfield, describes the stiff hugs he would receive from a gay friend of his. Garfield is all about talking such things out—good medicine for those among us who are the strong silent, swallow-your- feelings-until-you-die-of-a-heart-attack type of guys.