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Sometimes a child’s anger prompts an adult to set rules more clearly, explain matters more thoroughly, or make changes in the child’s environment.In other words, a child may have learned that anger is an all-purpose red flag to let others know that something is very wrong.A parent might respond to a child who hits his brother by asking why he hit him.Go beyond the “he did this first” argument and ask where they learned to hit to tell other people to stop doing something.Dealing with a child’s anger requires first finding out what they feel.Ask them what’s happened, what went wrong, or why they are feeling what they feel. On the other hand, they may need your help to label their feelings.The task then becomes how to manage anger and channel it toward productive or at least acceptable outlets, and not how to deny or repress it.
However, explain that aggression (hitting your brother) is not ok. A parent might say something like, “Here’s what I do when I get mad.” Don’t just tell your child what not to do; tell them what they should do too. Tell me about what happened, or tell him to give your toys back, or warn him you’ll tell me.” Some parents want to punish anger because they don’t like aggression.There are differences between being annoyed, mad, angry, outrage…and while these differences make little sense to children, as we grow older we can distinguish between these different emotions.The first step toward better management of children’s anger is to set aside what we were taught, and instead teach something new.Teach children that anger is normal, that it is acceptable and normal to get angry.